Limbo

The phase of being lost . being unaware of yourself in complete awareness . Being stupid being naive and yet growing up in timeless time bound manner. It has been quite a while this way. The profoundness of which has crept in so deep that it chooses to stay in way the rebel continues to persist . To make a way of nothingness exists. The need to belong the urge to escape. Where do I stand for nothing seems to be absolute to hold on. Is it real or some limbo where I am astray. Who is to believe and who to doubt. No wonder it ain't easy. Too much to gain . what is to lose? Or is it a matter of balance. I am here yet lost in transition. I have a plan yet I wander in search. I dream of something and realize of the things I am unaware of have been in me all along. I am to unravel deep into an endless abyss. Its just me but yet I long for someone to be somewhere around.
That emptiness where the need to know to explore to understand to believe to decide to discover to deduce to desire blend into one is where I am spinning . The mystery of imagination and reality never cease to shock me and leave me in yet another dilemma . It is as still as the deep waters of the deepest of oceans and yet torrential to shake me up from deep within. Why do I do what I do and why do I don't what I got to do. ? It only makes sense as if I was sent to wander and search just be left behind by my own self.

Indulge! Redo!

As it has been for a year now I am tryin to recover from the past per say. But yet the lags persist and one of them being my laziness has been one of the adamant pestering my plans all the time. So like usual I was shutting my alarms n tryin to get extra sleep when dad comes running like a hurricane to show me a birdie he said was new here n as a matter of fact I hadn't seen it before. Not that I am a regular but I do tend to keep a track of the flutterers around my crib every now and then. But my lazy bones had had it not giving me the spontaneity to grab my camera or record the siting I just idly looked at and dug my face in the pillow. After a few minutes the enthusiast in me woke up and I went back to see the birds. I looked and tried to go through my bird book to see if I could have a name. Turns out the book wasn't much of a help so I googled it and asked a friend who knows the names. Some guessing some random searches and I found the name. What I saw was two pairs of blackheaded cuckooshrikes not that females have the slightest tinge of black but the males were extravagantly black headed indeed. In this whole course of identifying that little birdie I realised something for myself . The  curiosity in me that seems to be lost somewhere has to be brought back that is the first. The second shocker is that my level of indulging in such little joys of mine has been to its lowest low. For what I know of me ages ago that girl was an ever enthusiast and jumped in for all she could do. Lately this might be one of the major reasons of me being so overtly laid back . Nevertheless I am happy that the universe is conspiring in its little ways of rehabilitating me of what good I was. So its a note to myself that I have to reindulge in stuff that I used to love to do and dust off the me from what has faded off. Ofcourse I also plan to indulge into many new stuff that draws my interest. That's about me but am sure of many like me who haven't been discovering themselves off late as they are too busy in making sense out of life. There is always a time we need to pause and INDULGE!

in awe and amazement

Times change as we move ahead with each second a new thought shoots right through your grey cells, a new face you see to remember for life and to forget before a second look, a new idea that can make or break a lifetime, a new incident to cherish and crib about . Yet it all seems to be stagnant and stationary as if it were never to change it has been this way all along . The cue is what matters what you yearn to believe what is that influences the change in you and what dejects the idea of your being . The existence of a soul is irrespective of where it is , what encases it for a time to go and what it has been through in a life of a body . It is indeed intriguing of how immortality itself evolves in each generation it lives through and its essence is magnified with each course of mortality. something like what we learn in science ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
Yes the awesomeness of this fact is that each ounce of change in every second that passes shall be magnified into eternal generations to come but its awful to know that the mere fact that the soul has to be entrapped within a carcass and yet survive all that it comes across just to move ahead with a change of matter.
Not that am in a mood to talk about philosophy and soul matter but the thought that forced me to think of this wonderful factoid arose from a music video i was watching. 
It occurred to me that how each person has a vivid and magnanimous profile of its own soul character. the melange of the original properties of a soul before it inhabits a body and the ones it imbibes past every day and second of his or her life brings out the uniqueness of a new thought, a new idea, a new history, a new invention , a new discovery, a new society. 
On a usual day I feel to limited and ordinary but indeed today I feel that there is a lot in me undiscovered unique and special and I lot to cherish and magnify.